narratives_reading_listening_fmri/stimuli/story_11.txt

I reached over and secretly undid my seatbelt, and when his foot hit the brake at the red light {BR} , I flung open the door {BR}, and I ran. I had no shoes on, I was crying, {BR} I had no wallet, but I was OK because I had my cigarettes. {LG} And I didn't want any part of freedom if I didn't have my cigarettes. {BR} When you live with someone who has a temper - a very bad temper, a very, very bad temper, {BR} you learn to play around that. {BR} You learn {BR} "this time I'll play possum" {BR} and "next time I'll just be real nice" or {BR} "I'll say yes to everything" or {BR} you make yourself scarce or you run. And this was one of the times when you just run. {BR} And as I was running I thought this was a great place to jump out, {BR} because there were big lawns and there were cul de sacs {BR} and sometimes he would come after me and drive and yell stuff at me, {BR} to get back in, get back in, {BR} and I was like "no, I'm out of here".  {BR} This is great, and I went and hid behind a cabana and he left. {LS} And I had my cigarettes. {BR} And uh {BR} I started to walk in this beautiful neighborhood. It was ten thirty at night. {BR} And {BR} it was silent. And lovely. And there was no sound except for sprinklers. {BR} Ch ch ch ch brrrrrrrr ch ch ch ch brrrrrrrr. {BR} And I was enjoying myself and enjoying the absence of anger and enjoying these few hours I knew I'd have of freedom. {BR} And just to perfect it, I thought, "I'll have a smoke", {BR} and then it occurred to me, with horrifying speed, "I don't have a light!" {LG} 

Just then, as if in answer, I see a figure up ahead, who is that? It's not him, OK. {BR} They don't have a dog, who is that? What uh what are they doing out on this suburban street? {BR} And the person comes closer and I could see it's a woman {LS} and then I can see {BR} she has her hands in her face. Oh she's crying. {BR} And then she sees me and she composes herself, {BR} and she gets closer, and I see she has no shoes on. {BR} She has no shoes on and she's crying and she's out on the street street. I recognize her, though I've never met her. {BR} And just as she passes me she says {BR} "you got a cigarette?" And I say "you got a light?" {LG} And she says "damn I hope so." {BR} And then sh first she digs into her cutoffs in the front, nothing, {BR} and then digs in the back and then she has this vest on that has {BR} fifty million little pockets on it and she's checking and checking and it's looking bad, it's looking very bad. {BR} She digs back in the front again, deep, deep, and she pulls out a pack of matches that had been laundered at least once. {LG} Eck.

We open it up and there is one match inside. {BR} OK. Oh my god. {BR} This takes on - it's like NASA now, we got to like, oh how are we gonna do it, {BR} OK, and we we hunker down, {BR} we crouch on the ground, and, "where's the wind coming from?" We're stopping, {BR} I take out my cigarettes, let's get the cigarettes ready. "Oh, my brand," she says, not surprising. {BR} And we both have our cigarettes at the ready. {BR} She strikes once, nothing. She strikes again, yes! Fire, {BR} puff, inhale. Mm, sweet kiss of that cigarette. {BR} And we sit there, and we're loving the nicotine, and we both need this right now. I can tell the night's been tough. {BR} {LS}

Immediately we start to reminisce about our thirty second relationship. "I didn't think that was going to happen!" "Me neither!" "Oh man that was close!" {BR} "Oh I'm so lucky I saw you!" "Yeah!" {LG} {LS} Then she surprises me by saying "what was the fight about?" {LS} And I say "wha what are they all about?" And she said "I know what you mean". {BR} She said "was it a bad one?" And I said "you know, like medium." {LS} She said "oh" {BR} and we start to trade stories about our lives. {LS} We're both from up north, we're both kind of newish to the neighborhood (this is in Florida), {BR} we both went to college, not great colleges, but man we graduated. {LS} And I'm actually finding myself a little jealous of her because she has this really cool job {BR} washing dogs. {BR} {LG} She had horses back home and she really loves animals and she wants to be a vet and I'm like "man you're halfway there!" {LG} {LG} {LS} I'm a waitress at an ice cream parlor so um that's not I don't know where I want to be but I know it's not that. And then it gets a little deeper, and we share some other stuff about what our lives are like. {BR} Things that I can't ever tell people at home. {BR} This girl, I can tell her the really ugly stuff, and she still understands how it can still be pretty. She understands like, how nice he's gonna be when I get home, and how sweet that'll be. {BR} {LS}

We are chain smoking off each other. "Oh, that's almost out, come on!" And we we go through this entire pack until it's gone {LS} and then I say, "you know what uh this is a little funny but you're gonna have to show me the way to get home. Because although I'm twenty three years old I don't have my driver's license yet {LS} and I just jumped out right when I needed to." {BR} And she says "well why don't you come back to my house and I'll give you a ride?" I say "OK great!" {LS} and we start walking. And uh, we get to this, um, lots of, uh, lights, and uh the roads are getting wider and wider and there's more cars {BR} and I see um lots of stores, you know laundromats and dollar stores and emergecenters and then we cross over US one and uh she leads me to some place and I think "no!" {BR} But yes. Carl's efficiency apartments. This girl lives there. And it's horrible and it's lit up so bright, just to illuminate the horribleness of it. {BR} It's the kind of place where you drive your car right up and the door's right there {BR} and there's fifty million cigarette butts outside {BR} and there's like doors one through seven and you know behind every single door there's some horrible misery going on. There's someone crying or drunk or lonely or cruel. {BR} And I think "oh god she lives here, how awful." {BR} We go to the door, door number four, and she very, very quietly keys in. {LS} {BR} As soon as the door opens I hear the blare of television come out and on the blue light of the television {BR} the smoke of a hundred cigarettes in that little crack of light. And I hear the man and he says, "where were you?" And she says, "never mind, I'm back." And he says, "you alright?" And she says, "yeah I'm alright." {BR} And then she turns to me and says, "you want a beer?" And he says, "who the fuck is that?" {BR} And she pulls me over and he sees me and he says "oh, hey". I'm not a threat. {LS} {BR} Just then he takes a drag of his cigarette, a very hard hard drag, you know the kind that makes the end of it really heat up hot hot hot {BR} and long and it's a little scary {BR} and I follow the cigarette down because I'm afraid of that head falling off, {BR} and I'm surprised when I see, in the crook of his arm, a little boy, sleeping. A toddler. And I think {BR}. And just then the girl reaches underneath the bed and takes out a carton and she taps out the last s pack of cigarettes in there, {BR} and on the way up she kisses the little boy, and then she kisses the man, and the man says again, "you alright?" And she says, "yeah, I'm just going to go out and smoke with her." 

And so we go outside and sit amongst the cigarette butts and smoke. And I say, "wow, that's your little boy?" {BR} And she says, "yeah isn't he beautiful?" And I say, "yeah he is, he is beautiful." {BR} "He's my light, he keeps me going," she says. {LS} {BR} We finish our cigarettes, she finishes her beer. I don't have a beer cause I can't go home with beer on my breath. {LS} {BR} And she goes inside to get the keys. {LS}  {BR} She takes too long in there getting the keys and I think something must be wrong and she comes out and she says, "look, {BR} I'm really sorry, but um, {BR} like we don't have any gas in the car, it's already on E and he needs to get to work in the morning and um {LS} I you know I I'm gonna be walk to work as it is so what I did was though here look I drew out this map for you, and you're really, you're like a mile and a half from home, {BR} and um if you walk three streets over you'll be back on that pretty street, and you just take that and you'll be fine." {BR} And she also {BR} has wrapped up in toilet paper seven cigarettes for me. {LS} A third of her pack, I note. And a new pack of matches. And she tells me good bye and that was great to meet you and how lucky and that was fun and, you know. Let's be friends. And I say, "yeah, ok" {BR} and I walk away {BR} but I kind of know we're not going to be friends. {LS} I might not ever see her again. And I kind of know, I don't think she's ever going to be a vet. And I cross, and I walk away. {BR} And maybe this would've seemed like a visit from my possible future and scary, but it kind of does the opposite. On the walk home I'm like, man, {BR} that was really grim over there. And I'm going home now to my nice boyfriend and he is gonna be so extra happy to see me. And {BR} we have a one bedroom apartment, and we have two trees, and there's a yard, {BR} and we have this jar in the kitchen where there's like loose money that we can use for anything like we would never ever run out of gas, {BR} and um I don't have a baby. You know? So I can leave whenever I want. 

{BR} I smoked all seven cigarettes on the way home. {BR} And people who have never smoked cigarettes just think ick, disgusting, and poison. But unless you've had them, {BR} and held them dear, you don't know how great they can be. {BR} And what friends and comfort and kinship they can bring. It took me a long time to quit that boyfriend. And then to quit smoking. {BR} And uh, sometimes I still miss the smoking. {NS}