narratives_reading_listening_fmri/stimuli/story_07.txt

I grew up in a really small town in Alabama. {LS} {BR} And my sister was and is to this day a remarkably beautiful woman. And I was always really good in school. {LS} {BR} {LG} So it fell into this pattern with my family where people would say things like "she's the beauty you're the brain" {LS} And among my almost anorexically petite friends growing up {BR} {LS} at five foot five a hundred and forty pounds it was universally acknowledged {BR} that I was the fat one. {LS} {BR} The whole thing really started in first grade I have to say. There was a weigh in in school. {BR} {LS} My best friend Nan Coley who was going to go on to become the head cheerleader of our high school hopped on the scale, {BR} and weighed forty five pounds. {BR} But when I jumped on, the needle cropped uh creeped up to fifty. {BR} {LS} And I looked over and I could see Nan looking at me in horror, not just for me but for herself. {BR} And she suggested right then and there that I go on a diet. And so I did. {LS} {BR} For the next twenty years. {BR} I would never wear a bathing suit without putting a t-shirt over it first. {BR} I would never change at a sleep over party without getting in a sleeping bag. {BR} I would never let a lover see me naked with the lights on. {LS} And not once did I ever stand in front of my closet {BR} to pick out an outfit with any other intention other than to look as thin as possible. 

{LS} {BR} Now along the way well meaning people tried to help but just made things worse. {BR} Such as my stepmother, the Baywatch extra, who decided when I was eleven {BR} you know, {LG} at eleven years old she decided to give me a makeover but the result was something like if you put blue ah eyeshadow and frosty pink lipstick {BR} on a cabbage patch kid. It wasn't good. {LG} But somehow I managed to get through high school and college, {LS} and at age twenty six I packed up my baggage {BR} and moved to Southern California, {LS} {BR} where {BR} surprisingly I actually got better {BR} there was something about, like all the you just extreme views that people had about their body, all the fake everything, {BR} um and the bleach blonde hair that made me kind of give up {BR} {LG} I think I kind of, I think I kind of threw in the towel, and so I joined the gym down the street because it was cheap, {BR} and I discovered that lifting weights could be actually fun because you would get strong,  {LG} and then with my newfound muscle tone I put on shorts for the first time ever and went for a hike which led to a run and then when food was no longer the enemy I started cooking {BR} healthy food {BR} and after six months I actually lost twenty pounds. {BR} And one day I was getting dressed to go out and I actually glanced in the mirror, which of course I usually avoided, {BR} and um I realize, I almost didn't recognize myself. And I I I examine myself from head to toe standing there in my bra and panties {BR} and discover that I actually couldn't lose any more weight, {BR} and I actually look pretty darn good. 

{BR} Now, around the same time my boyfriend was back in Boston, and he had decided to produce an independent film. {LS} And he was begging me to come back east to produce the film for him. {BR} But in order to do that, I calculated that I was going to have to raise two thousand dollars over the next four months somehow extra. {BR} Which my eleven dollar an hour temp job really wasn't going to produce. {LG} {BR} So I went out and got a copy of the L. A. Times, and as I was perusing the ads for like you know chuck-e-cheese night manager and you know {BR} evening legal secretary work, I saw an ad that said, {BR} dancers wanted. {LS} {BR} earn up to five hundred dollars a night {LG} .  Now, you know you have to understand that I cannot dance. I'm somewhat famous among among my friends for having tripped over my own feet when I was in college in Boston and actually knocked myself unconscious on the sidewalk. {LG} It's true. {BR} So I ignored it and went to the other ads but I kept coming back to it, like five hundred dollars a night! {BR} So I threw down the newspaper, {BR} and I ran to my room, and and examined my butt carefully in the mirror, like, could it be that my butt was good enough? {BR} And I picked up the phone, and made and appointment with a woman named Samantha. Now {BR} my best friend Steve was very against this. He said, Catherine, your newfound self esteem has been too long coming and too hard won {BR} for you to risk it all because some bitch down at the strip club doesn't think you're good enough! And I knew he was right, but I somehow couldn't stop. I just had to see {LG} . 

So {BR} the next day, I put on my sluttiest outfit, and made my hair huge, and put on like all the make up I owned and I went down and as I walked into the club, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen to this day was pulling herself upside down, naked, up a pole, with grace. {LG} And I was like, what am I doing? But just then I heard someone say, {BR} "you must be Renee!" Now, Renee was a totally insane alcoholic legal secretary that I worked with, {BR} and I think I was hoping to channel her so I picked that as my fake name. {BR} {LS} And I said, yes, I'm Renee, {BR} and I thought there was going to be all these questions, and I had to memorize this detailed like personal history that was all a lie {BR}, but she just took one look at me, and said, when can you start? {BR} So {BR} while I wanted to in my head I was thinking, like no way! {BR} um I was like, how about Monday? And she said ok. {BR} {LS} Over the weekend I went out and bought a brand new pair of silver panties and a silver push up bra and these really amazing silver high heels. {LS} {BR} Now my Steve was still trying to talk me out of it, he was like "Catherine, {BR} the smarter the stripper the more they hate stripping. What are you gonna do when some asshole comes up to you and says, hey, you're pretty hot {BR} . Do you want to give me a blow job afterwards in the parking lot? {BR} You're going to want to tell him to fuck off, but what you're going to have to do is go, Well, I'll get fired if I do that but I'll be fantasizing about it the entire time you're on I mean I'm on stage" {LG} {BR} And he said "do you think you can do that?" And I was thinking, you know, for five hundred dollars a night maybe I can! {BR} {LS} 

So {BR} um so uh so uh insanely that Monday morning I actually went to work at my temp job, and so at five o'clock I got off {BR} and showed up at the club wearing my temping outfit which was these very baggy awful black pants, and a little sailor top, my hair you know very straight {BR} and my glasses. {BR} And as I walked it I was told to go over and tell the D.J. what my song would be. {BR} {LS} And I walked over and I was like "Hi, I'm the new girl {BR} I'll be dancing to Alanis Morisette {BR} {LG} and he was just like, alright {BR} and he says, the dressing room's over there." And I looked at the dressing room and suddenly I realized {BR} that behind that dressing room were probably ten drop dead gorgeous women {LS} {BR} and I was like oh my god and so I looked at the door, and I looked at the door of the club, {BR} and just then, I heard "hi, you must be the new girl. I'm Chloe" And I turn and to my right {BR} was this little Patricia Arquette sort of knock off girl and she was wearing {BR}  stars on one boob and spangle on the other and one of these seventies style bikinis, {BR} with a little silver skirt and she was adorable {BR} um {LS} she was like "hi I'll show you the way" So Chloe grabs me by the hand, drags me off and leads me into the dressing room. {BR} And I start getting dressed with the other girls, and actually the other girls were pretty nice. Um and so they explained to me the rules of the club, which I hadn't known before, {BR} um in the first place the first song, you did you know in your bra and panties, and little and whatever you wore after. But the sec And they were like the the  "only the second song {BR} is topless" And I was like "the second song is topless." I think {BR} I think the whole time I'd been picturing that I'd just go out onstage and flit around a little and at the very end I'd drop my bra and run. {BR} {LS} But no! You had to be topless for an entire song, and I'm like "oh no" but I was like, ok, and they were all looking at my like you can't back out. So like I'm taking off my clothes and everybody's just naked {BR} and so just then um the D.J. who's this you know, three hundred pound man named Rudy {LS} {LG} comes into the room {BR} and he says um and he's like "Hey girls" and all of the girls are kind of like "aaaah! Rudy! Get out Aaaah!" {LG} {BR} {NS} And {BR}  like, I'm naked! And like but I didn't even care. And and I realized at the time that maybe I'd gone somewhere that I'd never been before mentally and maybe I was gonna get through this night. 

{BR} Um so Rudy leaves, and um I'm starting to get dressed and the girls go, no, you can't wear these silver panties, you have to wear a g-string, and I was like, oh no, I don't have a g-string, well, bye, bye bye! {BR} Um {LG} but {LG} {LS} Janee {BR} was this leggy blonde {BR} from Texas whose claim to fame was that she stripped into her sixth month of pregnancy {LS} {LG} Janee says, "hi um I just washed mine, here  you can borrow this" and she throws it at me and I'm like "alright" . So I'm putting on a strange girl's g-string {BR} {LG}  and I put it on, and the girls, um help me do my hair, and like make it huge, {BR} and they put on my make up and like fake eyelashes, and all this stuff, {BR} and up I was ready to go, and as I walked out I glanced in the mirror. And I have to say that I looked {BR} unbelievable. {BR} {LG} So {BR} {NS} Thank you {BR} {NS} So {NS} um {NS} so I go out and I go back out to Rudy, {BR} and I'm like, hi, I'm ready for my song, and he looks at me and he's like {BR} "Holy shit box! all that was under there?" And I was like {BR}  "Thank you!" {BR} {LG} um  {LG} So then um Chloe starts giving me a tour of the club, and as we she's doing this, {BR} this guy comes up to us on crutches, {BR} he'd uh he claimed he'd been shot in a gang fight {LS} and he comes up to me and he goes "you're pretty hot, ya know I'll put you in a music video if you'll give me a blowjob after the show" {BR} And I'm like, Steve, you know, and um Chloe says, you know, grabs you know jumps back and screams "Fuck you! she's a stripper not a goddamn whore!" And I was just like, nice!! {LG} Nice. So {LG} {LS} then um so then we walk back out and uh and it's horribly the beautiful woman, from like the audition day, um {BR} was out on stage again and she was an incredible dancer and she's running around and I'm just like {BR} uh oh my god and so I could tell Chloe I'm like you know I'm really a little nervous {BR} and she goes "no no no, you'll have no problem." She's like "it's not the best dancers who make all the money {BR} It's the girls who can really connect with the men, who can look from guy to guy to guy and make the guy think they're only looking at them. {BR}" Um "and it's really not being about a dancer, they just want to see you nude up there, um but the biggest problem you're gonna have {BR} is that you're gonna get bored. " Now {BR} being bored {BR} was not something that occurred to me as it was going to be a problem {LG} She's like "no, you know, I have a special trick, it's called the drop and role. {BR} So what you do, you know, is you go out there and you sort of like slowly slowly slowly slowly lower and like slowly slowly slowly roll around, she's like they'll picture you rolling around in their beds, {BR} and then slowly slowly slowly slowly stand back up, and if you do it slow enough it could take like two minutes!" And I was like great! {LG} 

Um {BR} so I go out, and um so then Chloe has to do her song {BR} {LS} and I go and I sit down near the door {BR} and um I get a coke to drink because I didn't want to drink alcohol because I had to drive home, like I'm such a nerd, and so I sit there, and um all of a sudden like it was a really cold night, and um the wind blew in and I got really cold, and of course I hadn't eaten  for like three days, cause I was so nervous, you know kind of like today, and um, so I was like I started to freak out and I looked up and I was just like, "what what am I doing?" And so I go over to Chloe, who's come off stage now, and she's sitting {BR} next to um mister shot in the leg guy like they've made up now they're friends again {BR} {LG} and so I go over and I'm like "hi" {BR} "you know, like you have been so great, and thank you so much, but I just realized, that {LS} like I can't dance, {BR} so I'm going to go home, and practice, and I'm gonna come back. {LS} And Chloe looked at me {BR} right in the eyes, and she said "if you walk out of that door, right now, {BR} you will never come back, and you will regret it {BR} for the rest of your life." {BR} And I knew that she was right. {LS} {LG} And just then mister shot in the leg guy reaches out like under the little dress I'm wearing and grabs my bare ass. {BR} And you know just squeezes it and he slaps me in the ass and he says {BR} you know "This is the worst, you feel this, this is the worst thing that's gonna happen to you all night, and he smacks me and he goes "now get out on that stage" and I was like "Alright!" {LG} {NS} {BR} {BR}  And so, so I went out onstage and you know so I went out and I walked over and there was a pole, and so I sort of swung around the pole, and like Chloe's running around getting everyone to yell and scream {LS} a very supportive friend {BR} and um so like I'm running around and um but and all of a sudden, insanely, I run out of things to do. {BR} And I'm like oh! the drop and roll! {LG} So I'm like lower lower lower lower lower, roll roll roll, and as I'm rolling around I feel something hit my cheek. {BR} And I'm like oh my god, I'm so bad, they're throwing napkins at me {LG} And but I turn my head to the right onstage and I open my eyes, and I saw that it was a dollar bill. {LG} And i was like, oh and so then, I like lean off like this, and I see standing above me is mister shot in the you know gang fight man and he's standing over me with a roll of ones pulling them off and dropping them down on top of me {LS} . And all I could think {BR} was I swear to god was what would my ophtha ophthalmologist father back in Alabama think, if he could see me right now. {BR} {LG} So um, but then like everyone was throwing money, and it was amazing and so I got up {BR} {LS} and then it came to finally be the dreaded topless song, {BR} and so I went to the special topless part of the stage, and the song started, {BR} and um I unhooked my bra, very slowly, and slowly the strap and slowly the strap {BR} and then I let the bra drop to the floor, and I stood there in front of a hundred and fifty people, {BR} wearing only a g string. {LS} {BR} The whole crowd went nuts. And I have to say, {BR} it was one of the most amazing moments {BR} of my entire life. {NS} um {BR} {NS} {BR} No one in that club gave a shit what I made on my SAT. {LG} No one cared that I was a straight A student. No one cared that I was in the gifted class when I was eight. They just wanted to see me nude. It was so cool. {LG} {LS} {BR} 

I never went back to the club after that night. {LS} In the first place, security was pretty lax. {BR} Um Chloe kept making like like little passing remarks {NS} Ok. Chloe {BR} Chloe kept making remarks about how "only a few of our friends have been killed by customers" which I found disconcerting. {BR} Um but the worst part was ah the next day at work, walking across the sony lot, I suddenly was examining every strange man that passed me I was noticing them and checking them out. {BR} And um, I've always been one of and they they seemed kind of yucky to me {BR} Um I was sort of it's like every man was suddenly a customer. {LS} I've always been one of those women that really loves men, and I thought, if this is what I'm like after three hours, what am I going to be like after three months, or three years? {BR} Um, but several good things came out of it. In the first place, one of the customers taught me this really cool trick, which is if a guy's pawing you, you hold his hand, cause he thinks you're holding his hand, {BR} but what you're doing is you're holding his hand off of you {BR} {LG} This came in super handy the next summer, in my ba uh career as a film producer. {LS} {BR} Um but the best thing of all is that {BR} to this day any time I'm having a fat day {BR} or I've just broken up with someone, or I'm just feeling a little down about myself, {LS} all I have to do is open the door and peek into the back of the closet where I still keep those silver high heels {BR} , and I know in my heart that everything {BR} is gonna be ok. Thank you {NS}